2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
