Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
