I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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