i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
