we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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