how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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