12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
