Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
