i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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