I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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