why didn't you poke me back
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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