Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
