He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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