Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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