I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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