i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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