Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
