The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Less talking, more tequila
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
