I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
