She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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