Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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