He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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