This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
