What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
