i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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