Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
