I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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