are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
