Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
