I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
