It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
