She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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