I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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