I haven't been this sober since birth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
