i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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