my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
