Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
