You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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