Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
