So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
