The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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