I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
