I think im going to throw up on grandma
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
