Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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