no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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