drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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