I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
