I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
