Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
