Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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