my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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