The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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