2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
