I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
