Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
