Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's the barista slut.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
