I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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