Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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