he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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