This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
