you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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