This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
