somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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